I am in shape; round is a shape.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

Stupidity got us into this mess ... why can't it get us out?

It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

I am a nutritional overachiever.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.